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The prophet tells us, "Your old will have visions; your young will dream dreams." Elderly women in a retirement community in Mill Valley protested the war in Iraq on a busy thoroughfare with placards every Friday for years.

A man I know of 22, halfway to a medical degree, is pursuing ballet dreams in New York City.

In four-fifths of them, the men want to have sex way more often than the women do.

I would say almost none of the women would care if they ever got laid again, even when they are in good marriages. They do it because it makes the men like them more, and feel close for a while, but mostly women love it because they get to check it off their to-do lists.

I made a few practice casual touches, but he didn't respond.

My consultants said that I should pay attention to this.

So I didn't give up, even when that day's date had an unbuttoned tropical shirt, or explained that there is no real difference between Republicans or Democrats. The only iffy answer on his questionnaire was that he was "middle of the road."A man with a graduate degree, great sense of humor, spiritual but not religious, wrote to say he loved my work and felt we were kindred souls. He was very sweet and open, but had a compulsive Beavis and Butt-head laugh.

One of the bad coffee dates was a kingly little man who bore an unfortunate resemblance to Antonin Scalia, complete with tasseled loafers, who was snotty and disappointed until he figured out that I was a real writer. I saw the profile of a handsome religious man, who had graduate degrees, a great sense of humor, and did not look like Antonin Scalia. After 10 minutes of this, my neck went out on me, like one of the Three Stooges.

And having realized this one long-shot dream with my grown child gave me the confidence to try something even harder: to date.A 60-year-old man does not fantasize about a 60-year-old woman. But I have come to learn that this means they think of themselves as friendly.They are "glass half-full kind of people." That's very nice.Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dull, sort of like real life.After our breakup, I had just assumed there would be a bunch of kind, brilliant, liberal, funny guys my age to choose from. Surely my friends would set me up with their single friends, and besides, I am out in the public a lot doing events at bookstores and political gatherings, the ideal breeding ground for my type of guy. People don't know single guys my age who are looking for single women my age. I went onto with a clear knowledge that relationships are not the answer to lifelong problems. Curiously, almost without exception, they were "spiritual but not religious." I thought for a while that this meant ecumenical, drawn to Rumi, Thomas Merton, Mary Oliver.




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