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Somehow I made the appointment and very slowly my story unfolded.

I told her about my best friend’s family that I had become very close to at a young age.

It is possible for women to have unwanted thoughts of a sexual nature as part of their illness.

These thoughts can happen regardless of whether you have a history of sexual abuse.

The more I worried about the thought, the more unsettled and anxious I got.

The thoughts got worse and came at me more frequently.

Now, I mostly obsess over how I’m doing and am constantly evaluating myself.

I have had a few setbacks that, at the time, were devastating, but each time it was easier to get back up than the time before.

I was enjoying being a new mother and breastfeeding was going well, but J had a lot of gas and she wouldn’t nap due to acid reflux.

I was walking around the house crying and I picked up the phone and called my lactation consultant about going on meds.

She supported my decision and I made an appointment with a doctor at my OB office. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay on that particular antidepressant because I felt out of it and thought it was too strong and didn’t want to pass it on to my daughter, so I went off and tried herbs and tinctures instead. Finally, after my daughter’s first birthday and encouragement from my therapist, I got put on an antidepressant that worked for me.

A normal mother would never think something like that.

I thought that something was terribly wrong with me because only a terrible person who belonged behind bars would ever think of something that horrible.

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