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Distancers need someone pursuing them to sustain their emotional needs that they largely disown and which wouldn’t be met by another avoider.

Unlike those securely attached, pursuers and distancers aren’t skilled at resolving disagreements.

You’re preoccupied with the relationship and highly attuned to your partner, worrying that he or she wants less closeness.

You often take things personally with a negative twist and project negative outcomes.

In fact, he or she often appears needy to you, but this makes you feel strong and self-sufficient by comparison. But if the relationship is threatened, you pretend to yourself that you don’t have attachment needs and bury your feelings of distress.

It’s not that the needs don’t exist, they’re repressed.

We’re wired for attachment – why babies cry when separated from their mothers.

It’s normal to become dependent on your partner to a healthy degree. You can assess your partner’s style by their behavior and by their reaction to a direct request for more closeness.Alternatively, you may become anxious because the possibility of closeness no longer threatens you.Even people who feel independent when on their own are often surprised that they become dependent once they’re romantically involved.Fortunately, most people have a secure attachment, because it favors survival.It ensures that we’re safe and can help each other in a dangerous environment.




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