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I know she had gone for a follow-up with her doctor from the week before. The doctor detects the ignorance emanating from my blank face. There are no answers, only a rapidly multiplying list of questions. The thought of calling my family hasn’t even crossed my mind. Her shoulder length hair hasn’t changed since I met her in 2007.

I know from the sounds on the phone that something horrible has happened. I sprint to the corner of Union and Smith to flag down a cab. Even as the taxi flies up the FDR, I somehow already know what has happened. I convince myself I’m being ridiculous and I shouldn’t think so negatively. Her petite frame feels smaller than I remember from our embrace this morning. We’ve set up an appointment with an oncologist for you tomorrow.” He continues to talk, looking at this clipboard and allowing us no time to absorb the news. I sit in the backseat as Seema lays with her head in my lap. I stare out the window of our taxi, looking at all the different unwitting drivers and passengers surrounding us. A new layer of sadness is added to emotional sediment that is slowly burying me. She likes to laugh and takes immense pride in her ability to make an excellent cup of chai each morning for her family. We would all become famous and buy adjacent farms in rural Georgia.

When I finish my recap, I hear nothing on the other end, just the sound of our kitchen ceiling fan rattling.

Since Johnny Walker has proven himself to be an unpredictable asshole, I bury myself in the 2014 NBA Finals instead. But the week after the diagnosis, the NBA Finals becomes something completely different for me.

The dupatta that hangs around my neck is tied in a knot with her veil, connecting us as we hold hands and take turns leading each other around a sacred fire.

I take my newfound rage and disappointment out on the Thai restaurant owner speaking broken English on the other end of the phone. I begin stumbling through a scream-stuttered response. I feel the powerful numbness weighing me down once more, and I wonder if I’m ever going to feel anything ever again. Her dark hair and big, brown eyes are framed by her crimson veil.

I wear an old hoodie with my beat up Atlanta Braves cap. I remember Seema’s bright smile during our first dance to Rose Royce’s “I Wanna Get Next to You.” I see us both surrounded by a sea of friends and family dancing to B. I remember these same friends settling for warm shots of gin after cleaning out the bar on that cool November night in 2013.

It was probably Seema’s mom asking when we were going to visit them in Dallas next, then Seema’s father trying to convince us to just move to Dallas since there is no income tax. They continue to talk and reassure me but the words stop making sense. I would read the 400 books I’ve ordered on Amazon over the past year but have never read. Dwelling on all of these uncertainties will slowly drive me insane. So I search desperately for something, anything, to distract myself.I bury myself with a fanaticism normally reserved for televangelists and NYSE floor traders. This has moved beyond a battle of villains, heroes, rings, legacies, pundits, fan bases and statistics. I need to know that it’s possible to rebound from a horrific, soul-crushing loss and return stronger, more focused, and triumph.The Finals are already a highly anticipated series, a rematch from the previous year between the two-time defending champion Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs were thirty seconds away from winning the Championship. The fact that our lives share nothing in common with NBA athletes doesn’t matter. As the day of Seema’s first scan arrives, however, things are already looking bleak for the Spurs. Dad and Seema’s mom have flown up to provide moral support but to also act as medical translators who can interpret the tsunami of medical jargon and analysis that is quickly enveloping us. The last 48 hours have been a marathon of medical appointments.

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